Featured Post

The Top 5 Types of Duterte Supporters

After a long hiatus that has been marred by  shitstorm  after  shitstorm  after  shitstorm , I have decided to write again. It appears that ...

Monday, August 31, 2015

Top 9 Things I would like to say to the INC Protesters



It was suppose to be the perfect vacation, after years of not coming home I managed to take a break in between semesters and jobs to go home and be with the people that matter the most. Things were great! Visited old friends and family,  went to the common balik bayan spots and had an unhealthy dozzage of Chickenjoy. Now a little more than a week before my departure we were driving along EDSA (or somewhere near there) and for some odd fucking reason there seemed to be an anti government rally which turned out to be the Iglesia ni Cristo (INC) rally. A friend of mine briefed me on the situation with various news articles and I was pissed beyond belief. So while sitting on my ass for 5 hours, and having to endure the hoards of misleading placards, Mexican/Irish flags and dimwits shouting and banging on the car. I decided to write this long awaited top 9 list.


So without further adieu here are the Top 9 Things I would like to say to the INC Protesters .


9.) GET OUT OF THE FUCKING WAY!!
Listen fuckers, the world does not revolve around you. Yes politicians are willing to kneel down and suck you for this. But that does not mean you can hold the country's lifeline hostage when things don't go your way. Damn it one of your placards just hit the car.

8.) You're making this a bigger issue than what it really is!
Again listen fuckers this seems to be an overblown family issue. The only reason the state is getting involved is because someone submitted a formal complaint, thus the court will follow through. Your organization would not have been the center of national hate had you guys just let the judicial process and hire the best lawyers (we know you guys are rich). Are your internal corruption issues that bad that you would risk the reputation of your entire group?

7.) You want respect? AGAIN GET OUT OF THE FUCKING WAY
You guys are just doing the damn opposite, if you wanted to have an effective action part of it is to have the support of popular opinion but you're pissing everyone off. Yes 5 million INC members seem like a huge number but it pales in comparison to the 95 million Filipinos who think that you are full of shit.

6.) No! This is not the same as the EDSA revolution. 
The 1986 EDSA revolution was a battle for democracy against a tyrant, while EDSA 2 was a battle against corruption. The current INC rallies is just an overblown family conflict with judicial involvement because someone tried to file a complaint. Listen fuckers the INC rallies will be similar to the EDSA revolution if the EDSA revolution was a rally to protect pedophile priests with the rallying call of separation of church and state.

Tangina ang sikip at init! Pucha kumuha nga kayo ng abogado! uuwi na ako! 


Speaking of which this brings us to.......

5.) You are doing "separation of church and state" a disservice. 
Separation of the church and state does not mean immunity from state laws. And no! no bible verse can justify your current idiocy. If you guys were to have your way with your definition of the separation of church it would be a slap in the face of progress and would be a step back. This is like putting homosexuality back in the DSM for fucksakes.

4.) The "wag kang makialam" counter argument holds no weight since YOU'RE IN THE FUCKING WAY
This really pushed my buttons, the problem is that it does not make any fucking sense. What if a quareling couple argues in front of your driveway and refuses to move thus preventing you from getting to work? If you were to tell them to take it elsewhere they will tell you "wag kang makialam!", im sure you would say what there rest of us are thinking "eh tanga ka pala eh! naaapektuhan ako sa gulo niyo! GET OUT OF THE FUCKING WAY!"

3.) No! your "unahin niyo ang isyu ng corrption sa Gobyerno"! Counter argument makes no sense.
It is fucking irrelevant, it kinda sounds like this scenario:

POLICE: Hi sir, after the inspection we have found 20 pounds of cocaine strapped in the pockets of your coat, your pants, and in your underwear.,you are under arrest.
ASSWIPE: But I have the freedom to.....
POLICE: Sorry sir this illegal in the state of California.
ASSWIPE: Why arrest me? Arrest the drug cartels in Mexico!
POLICE: Sir you can clarify everything at the station.
ASSWIPE: But why are you arresting me!? Arrest the oil CEOs who are destroying the polar ice caps.
POLICE: Sir please cooperate.
ASSWIPE: What about the shark killers in Japan! They are worst!
POLICE: Sir are you alright?
ASSWIPE: What about the well being of the pandas in China!!

2.) No one is above the law
The separation of the church and state does not mean being immune to state laws. Think about it this way what if one of the higher up INC officials for some fucked up reason raped you, burned your house, then decapitated your dog.  Where will you go to complain? If what your fighting for is to be followed he will get away with it since he is above the law.

No one is above secular law, Christian, Muslim, Jew, Hindu, or Atheist.

You guys would make more sense if the banner read "Cry for financial freedom! Leave our income alone INC!"


1.) Thats not how this works.. thats not how any of this works...
Your definition of the separation of church and state is just as erroneous as the old ladies interpretation of social media in the linked video.While these ladies are the forgivable untechsavy baby boomers, INC protesters on the other hand are the equivalent of someone interpreting Darwin's On the Origins of Species as evidence for creationism.

Genius 



Tips to the Politicians handling this situation
Yes i'm referring to all of you, while you guys are busy defending the family empiresqueezing whats left of your father's legacy, and banging one's wife. You guys can actually use this situation to your political advantage! Read the following!

1.) Fuck them hard, no im not joking you should fuck them hard. 
I know you guys are probably popping their dicks in your mouths to get the close to 5 million block vote. But here is the deal, if you call them out in the name of justice and secularism. You will be a hero to the 95 million other Filipinos who aren't INC!!! Now we know its not united,  they all won't vote for you, and quite frankly a lot of them are dumbasses on their seats for the next Kris Aquino show. However you will still be a hero to many including the intellectual minority, whose votes could be more or less 20 million! (my estimate). Im not good at math but I know 20 million is much bigger than 5 million.



Tips to the INC Protesters
Here I will talk to the INC faithful, thus to compensate for their lack of logic and reason I will stoop down to their lingo as if I were one of them. 

Magandang araw mga kapatid!Ngayon alam ko pagod kayo sa kakarally sa EDSA at sa iba't ibang bahagi ng Pilipinas. Habang tayo ay nagwagi sa protesta at sa boxing, kailangan natin tangapin na pikon ang buong Pilipinas saatin mga mahal na kapatid. Isipin mo kunwari 5 million tayo, dami natin di ba? Pero 95 million naman po ang hindi Iglesia. So parang sa bawat isa saatin na yumawagayway ng Bandila ni Juan Manuel Marquez, may 19 na pinoy na gusto tayong batukan ng tsinelas mga kapatid. Pero alam po naman natin na pagnagkainitan tayo kakampihan ng diyos dahil tayo ang tama.

 Bago tayo magpahinga para bumalik sa trabaho upang may pambayad po tayo ng kanya kanyang INC membership fees, pagisipin niyo po muna at iconsider ang sumusunod

1.) Mag sorry po tayo sa mga naabala natin aber!: Di po tayo ang centro ng mundo! magsorry po tayo sa naabala natin! Magpadala tayo ng isang milyong "Binay style" sorry cakes! sa mga naabala at icancel na rin natin ang susunod na "Kabayan ko Kapatid ko" program dahil maawa na po tayo sa mga moterista.

2.) Magisip po tayo next time bago sumali sa katangahan: Ay hay nako mga kapatid! mag isip isip naman po tayo! Wag naman tayo sumunod na parang aso sa utos ng mga head ng chapter natin. Magisip tayo mga pre, What would Manalo Do? (WWMD).

Maraming salamat sainyong pasensya mga kapatid! Mabuhay ang secularismo! Magpasalamat din tayo sa diyos sa mapayapang protesta at TANGINA MO ELI SORIANO!