Top 9 Reasons why the MMFF must DIE

It's that time of the year again! The shitty trailers are out, the lines are long, actors who can't act are stretching their wallets for a pay day, and the press is going gaga. Yup its the Metro Manila Film Festival (MMFF). For decades we have had to endure this event with all of its crappiness, it is inevitable, you can't avoid it, it is like trying to dodge rain drops during a typhoon, move all you want but in the end you're fucked. Here are 9 reasons why the MMFF must die.

9.) Forced Monopoly
Nothing beats competition than banning all of the outside competition so that you can spoon feed the public with your shit. Foreign films dives up competition, and this may improve the quality of local films for consumers, but fuck that! Ban all foreign films and open wide for the next Ryzza Mae Dizon shitfest.

8.) Unnecessary Panic Fueled Movie Binge
How many times have you heard this conversation?:

Dad: We have to watch "insert name of great foreign movie", as well as "insert name of great foreign movie", and "insert name of great foreign movie", tonight!
Son: But Dad thats too much! whats the rush?
Dad: Tangina MMFF  na bukas eh!! Ito pera pumila ka na jan! Ako dito ako pipila!

I tell you every December I hear variations of this conversation. Does it have to be like this? Does it have to feel like it's the "Fall of Saigon" when we are trying to escape shitty local films?

7.) Fuels the Status Quo of the  Dull Movie Industry
Hey if it is not broken why fix it right? past MMFF earnings rose to at least 767 million pesos. Why try to invest more money on better actors, special effects, and motherfucking script when anything they release turns into gold?

6.) Reinforces "Masa Culture"
Movies have a lot of influence in society, if you are one of the film makers and you make a film as influencing as this, then God speed. However if your films promote social stereotypes and anti intellectualism, your creativity is far past fucked.

5.) Destroys Holiday Spirit
Nothing destroys the holiday spirit more than not being able to watch the movie of your choice, but hey! at least we get to see My Big Bossings!

4.) Shitty Actors
nuff said

3.) Shitty Movies
nuff said

2.) A National Blunder
MMFF is suppose to show the world, the pinnacle of Filipino films, the exemplary, the cream of the crop. Now if titular puns, slap stick horror anal feasts, and atrocious family films staring spoiled brats are the creme de la creme of Philippine Cinema, ohhh booyyyy,

Lets put it this way, imagine there is an international food festival where all of the countries present their finest cuisine, however instead of serving Lechon and Kare-Kare, the Philippines chose to present the finest food items from Jollibee and Angel's Burger.

Well fuck it, that might even be better.

1.) Foreign Movies Are Just Better
Now before you "pinoy pride" asswipes rape the comments section hear me the fuck out first.  LOCAL MOVIES SUCK THEY HAVE ALWAYS BEEN AND WILL ALWAYS BE UNLESS THINGS CHANGE. We being consumers, must be open to all products in the market, if Carlos P. Garcia were alive today i'm sure he would regret making the "Filipino First Policy". Now as a consumer what would you rather watch, this, or this?, this or this?

To the film makers, remember whatever you release as long as it stars famous actors, people will ride on it more than men riding Sasha Grey. So why not make a decent fucking script and educate those dimwits?

Unless the Philippine film industry steps up and makes decently acceptable films that target more than the dumbest Filipino (who probably has a subscription of Kris Aquino magazine, and chokes on glutathione pills), the industry will not progress in the creative aspect and in the year 2050 we will have:

 "Ang Tanging Ina N'yong Lahat na Nagshashake Rattle and Roll sa Bahay ni Lola 8"

Tips to MMFF Movie Goers
1.) Save your Money: You are better off making a paper mache lantern with 100 peso bills than see those films.  I like many others would not pay 200 pesos for a 2 hour commercial.

2.) Find Alternative Ways To Spend Time With Family: If you're a parent taking your kids to see one of those movies you better question your parenting skills.

3.) Question Your Intelligence: Seriously if you reached this part of the article and you're fuming with anger you need to chill the fuck down and ponder about you're intellectual capacity, unless you really have a fetish for over the top product placements and shitty acting. I'm sure there is a good chance that you are one of them.

Top 9 Retarded Things said by Online Marcos Loyalists

If you go on the social media sites you know it, if you talk to a politically opinionated kid who was born in nineties you know it, and if you had a conversation with an elderly person dissatisfied with the current administration but does not know what he/she wants, you have had enough of it. This Pro-Marcos propaganda bullshit is really alarming, whether the hashtags might be #Marcosparin or #BBM2016 you know that shit has really gone down in Philippine society.

To set things straight, i'm no Pnoy defender and Kris Aquino is a piece of shit. These Marcos loyalists have multiplied in number the past years and are really starting to look like various religious/political extremists such as this. These Filipinos come from all walks of life but here are possible traits of an online Marcos Loyalist:

1.) People with a batshit sense of logic

2.) Likes pages such as this and this

3.)  Nineties kids or post Martial Law kids that think they are so smart

Now that I have clarified the terms, without further adieu here are the Top 9 Retarded Things said by Online Marcos Loyalists

9.) Noytard!
This line is usually said by a Marcos defender when confronted by facts, as an act of desperation he/she would then attack you personally by labeling you. This does not only show their lack of knowledge of history, but their lack of knowledge of logic. It doesn't mean that if one hates Marcos he/she would automatically kiss Aquino's a**. This is a perfect example of the  fallacy of false alternative.

8.) Number 1 fan ka ni Kris Aquino!
Same as above, but this ranks a spot higher due to it scoring higher in the retard scale. Tangina paano ba napunta sa usapan si Kris Aquno!?

7.) Mahirap tayo ngayon dahil pinaalis niyo si Marcos!
A perfect example of a causal fallacy, yes we are in the dumps as of today, however it does not necessarily mean that the decline was caused by the ousting of Marcos. History does say that the decline happened DURING this administration.

6.) Ok lang magnanakaw basta may nagawa
When someone says this line my head usually thinks about this analogy, what if your house had a plumbing problem and you called the best plumber in town, he then proceeds to fix your piping issues, however he overcharges you, steals all of your furniture, and bangs your wife. But hey! at least he fixed your piping problem.

5.) They deserved it
This line is usually said by Marcos defenders against the victims of the atrocities of  Martial Law. They say shit such as (non-verbatim) "Your brother was arrested and tortured without a trial? He deserved it since he's a commie!" or "Your sister was arrested, gang raped at home, brought to Crame, gang raped again there, then tortured to death? She deserved it for inciting a revolution!" To all the Marcos defenders out there, if you say insensitive shit similar to this, you've got to realize that you're on the wrong side.

Yeah we love being beat on by the cops! Time of our lives!

4.) He had the most accomplishments than all of the other presidents combined!!!
This is arguable, however it may very well be true in terms of infrastructure. But isn't that expected of someone who had 2 decades of unquestionable power? If another president had the same opportunity as Marcos he/she could have done waaaaaaaayyy more than build a bunch of hospitals and bridges. Also lets take into account the kick backs he and his cronies were able to earn from these projects. So if some Marcos retard gives you this argument, just throw it right back at that dimwit by saying "Well he stole the most money than all the other presidents combined!!!"

Picture? Check! Caption? Check! Must be legit!

3.) Only 2% of the Philippine population was at EDSA
This line is usually said by some kid who thinks that he/she is so smart because he stumbled on bullshit propaganda such as this and this. First of all there is only so much a fucking highway can hold. You can't fit 56 million people in a damn highway, plus lets consider that the Philippines is an archipelago thus it is natural that not everyone can go. Marcos retards would then say that the EDSA revolution was only concealed in Imperial Manila, however facts would say otherwise.

The commies armed with flowers overwhelmed our troops!

2.) Down with the Yellow Media!
Marcos facts? Propaganda! Media representation? Propaganda! Remember how much heat this video got? It seems that Marcos loyalists have the same sense of logic as the most fucked up conspiracy theorists. When there is evidence against their claim, they immediately dismiss it as propaganda, they even see it as evidence to support their claim since there is a "cover up".

1.) Da best si Marcos dahil mas mura pa ang mga bilihin nun
This over here is the mothership of Marcos Loyalist stupidity, this is it's Ferrari, or Lamborghini. This is the pinnacle of Pro-Marcos arguments and the nadir of basic logic. If that is the case what about the presidents that went BEFORE Marcos!? I'm sure mas mura yung bilihin nung panahon ni Aguinaldo, so  Aguinaldo should be the greatest of all time! If Americans followed the same fucked up logic George Washington would be the best since you can actually buy a ranch for $20. Lets look at the facts here, while Marcos was in power the buying power of the peso depreciated exponentially, hell, people already wanted him out midway through his second term. This way of thinking CANNOT live to the next generation so if you have the unfortunate realization that you say this line a lot I would like you to do the following steps:
1.) Pull your pants down
2.) Kiss your balls
3.) Get a knife
4.) (you know what)
5.) Pull your pants up and be proud that you did your country a favor.

Tips to Online Marcos Loyalists
This segment is dedicated to those post martial law kids who think their decomposing idol is the shit. Now pause that  game and/or futile job search (the chances are you have a useless Liberal Arts degree anyway), and read this.   

1.) Research! Dumbass!: Stop labeling things that debunk your claims as propaganda, maybe the media ain't biased on this issue? Maybe you're a just a delusional dimwit who thinks he/she is so smart just because he/she saw a Marcos meme online? Try foreign sources

2.) Read stories about Martial Law Atrocities: Instead of looking at the numbers of Martial Law Atrocities as a mere statistic, lets try to put a face on it. Now can you tell someone who's sister/daughter/friend/girlfriend was gang raped and tortured to death by the PNP that they had it coming?

3.) Try to have a rudimentary understanding of logic and history: First of all it doesn't mean that since we are having difficulties today, it was all better in the 1970's, and secondly were things really better in the 1970's? If Manny Pacquiao beats Mayweather, runs for president then runs the country to the ground, does that mean PNoy was the best eva?



When all else fails then.....
4.) Fine keep posting retarded shit: It makes you look like a dumb dickhole, but hey Bong Bong Marcos just might get elected and you will orgasm. However wait until things go wrong again and like his father before him will steal money, abuse power and get ousted by EDSA 4. Maybe then you will realize "ohhh my fucking God I have been such delusional assf@@@". Just wait 40 years from now then your kids will be posting pro Bong Bong Marcos memes with their Iphone18s.

Author's Note: Credits to TV 5's program WOTL for their spectacular video on Marcos

Top 9 Shitty Things that Filipinos say to Atheists

This month's Top 9 is all too familiar for me, it seems that being a non believer in this country has an incredible downside. People will see you with such disdain that even Hayden Kho would feel sorry for you. Such disdain for a mere position of non belief, I think that Atheists population is the only remaining minority that people are free to mock and attack.

Now before we start I would like to make a minor disclaimer, most of these entries are not indigenous to the Philippines. Non-believers get this all the time all over the world, however these statements are the one's most prevalent in the country.First here are some honorable mentions that almost made the list.

1.) I will pray for you: Yeah its sometimes said in a condescending manner, but I disqualified it because it can be said out of concern. So instead of talking back on how much it doesn't make sense, we should just say "Thank You, now can you do something more?".

2.) Di mo lang kasi gets yung message ni God sa Bible: Get what? The fact that he killed thousands of kids in Egypt and sent his only son (which is also himself) to atone for it? This is just too dumb and including this on the list will just spark a bible debate. Which is something not worth debating about.

3.) Daldal mo!: This is usually said when a theist mocks us and we try to talk back. Whats ironic is that these are the same people who want to encourage discussion yet resort to a hit and run tactic. The reason why I didn't include this is that the number of occasions which line was used is too few. Most believers that we encounter are willing to go out on their own shield.


 Now without further adieu, here are the Top 9 Shitty Things that Filipinos say to Atheists.

9.) Wala kang pinagkaiba sa unggoy!
This is usually said by some fucked up creationist who has probably never seen a decent science program, finished high school, or are just really dumb. These people don't want a debate, they want a quarrel, you have a better chance playing the piano using boxing gloves than to talk sense into these people.

Good argument conservative Christian mom! Now go back to your anti gay marriage activism and finalizing your 3rd divorce!

8.) Siguro #1 fan ka ni Miriam Santiago noh?
This probably stems from the statement that she made a few years back. My typical response is, yeah, so what?! I mean I don't love her because she doubts the existence of God but because she is fucking brilliant.

7.) Tinatamad ka lang mag simba
True, that's because we grew out of the fairy tale. Also lets face it, mass means nothing to non believers and lets admit it most Church goers don't really listen to 40 year old virgins. There is so much you can do in an hour such staying in bed or watching an episode of this.

6.)  Wawa ka naman
Ok I get this a LOT, I remember family members telling me "What a meaningless life you have!". But on the contrary I believe that living a life free from the religious dogma of a vengeful God is more fulfilling, plus you get Sundays off isn't that the greatest thing ever?

5.) Siguro gusto mo sunugin lahat ng simbahan noh!
Nope...... no. Lets call this the "God's not Dead card", this is usually a piss poor attempt of Filipino Christians to portray themselves as the persecuted minority, yeah the 86% minority.

4.) Just have faith!
Faith is equivalent to blind acceptance, to believe without evidence. If you were part of an organization which is based on true magical surreal life story of an individual, but you cannot clarify and authenticate it without being called a sinful bastard, wouldn't that be a scary cult? Your faith in God is the same faith these people have for their leader.

3.) Hoy mahiya ka! Namatay si Cristo para sayo!
I just don't get this line, I really don't. Now before Christian readers tear into the comment section, with their dumb-ass arguments and Chesterton quotes, fucking hear me out first. So God wanted to save the people he created (the same people who he gave "free will"), so he sent his only son, who is also him, to save his people from himself. Is it just me or does it seem that anyone can do a better job than God.

Makes perfect sense

2.) Bastos ka!
Just because of having a different opinion and questioning? Since majority of Filipinos are Theists it seems that being a non believer is already an insult to them, because it destroys their imaginary religious status quo. To the theist readers, if you bash someone for just being inquisitive, you know you're on the wrong side.

1.) Galit ka sa diyos 
If all the puns that Filipino theists tell atheists were compared to a 5 star hotel meal. This line would serve as it's main course, it is the center of attraction, and shitty a one at that. "Why are you so angry at something you don't believe in?" is what my relatives usually tell me. The best reply to that is what I call the Unicorn analogy which goes like this:

 "Do you believe in Unicorns? No. But do you hate Unicorns? I assume no, now what if everyone else believed in Unicorns and were starting wars and doing other fucked up stuff to appease their Unicorn Gods. I'm sure now you would have an issue with Unicorn believing idiots and their practices. "

Tips to Filipinos with Atheist friends/relatives

1.) No Filipino is a believer by default: Sorry but you're imaginary religious status quo is what it is, imaginary. So instead of creating a hostile environment for non believers, respect our opinion, and we will respect yours no matter how fucked up it is.

2.) Read your fucking Bible: I believe there is a reason for everything. There is a reason why i'm an atheist and there is a reason why you're a dimwit. Why not instead of putting up miserable pathetic arguments that can be destroyed by a high school debater, try to understand why we have this position. So read your fucking Bible. (Which means reading more than the book of Psalms aka the quote machine)

3.) Support Secularism: Lets face it religiosity in the country in on a decline. If you want your belief system to survive to the next generation, stop playing the "70 year old kill joy bitter bitch", and make the country a place for everybody both believers and non-believers. Being a kill joy bitter bitch just turns people away, its about time you get it through your head. Being a progressive believer is the best way to do damage control.

We aren't all like this, but if you go out of your way, get ready for a lesson in logic.

Di ka Naniniwala?! Bastos ka!: How Atheists are viewed in Philippine Society

A few years ago on a cold windy Christmas Eve, the holiday decorations in my village were on full swing, the caroling street children with their screeching voices were screaming their lungs out (most of the time these kinds don't even know the fucking lyrics), and the MMFF is raping the minds and wallets of Filipinos even a martial law era cop would feel sorry. Like the typical Filipino family, we invited all of our close relatives to spend the evening with us and the event was like a mini family reunion. As they went to attend the Christmas Eve mass, I stayed behind for two reasons, in order to help the maids prepare dinner and Noche Buena, and i'm an Atheist.

This was something which my family knew of and was fine with, but I was yet to come out to my extended family. As I was sitting at the dinner table talking and chatting with my beloved cousins and nephews, the shit hit the fan. My elderly aunts and uncles found out about my disbelief and were outraged. They stormed into the dining room and told me how could I be so blind, sinful, and disgusting.They said lines such as "bakit ka ganyan!", "di naman nagkamali Nanay mo eh!", and "namatay si Cristo para sayo! Walang hiya ka!". When I tried to defend my disbelief citing various positions (such as the burden of proof), they responded lines such as with "tanga lang ang di naniniwala", and "tanga lang humihingi ng ebidensya"(mind fuck right?). It was then that my parents stepped in and eased the tension, but a few minutes later my entire extended family (about 30 people) were asking me to leave my own fucking house, because Christmas is only for Christians. When I tried to reason that Christmas is not exclusive to Christians, and that its more of a Capitalist holiday than a religious event, they were even more outraged that I tried to speak back to them (I swear they were acting as if I gave the pope the finger while banging a nun), so they place down the terms, its either I leave, or they leave. Knowing that majority of them were business partners with my Mom, I took one for the team and left. So on Christmas Eve 2012, I was kicked out of my own home by a Christian mob.

It seems that the equivalent of being a non-believer in the Philippines is the same as being a Playboy model in a low security all male prison, you will stand out and will be fucked from all directions.

If you come from a Filipino family there is a HUGE chance that you will be born into a Christian family (well according to the article it should be around 86% to a Christian family, 98% to a theist family). With the overwhelming theist majority in Philippine society, many Filipinos think that people AUTOMATICALLY believe in a God.  If you declare your disbelief you will instantly draw negative attention to yourself. They will then start insulting you, whats funny is that when you try to talk back and defend yourself, you are the one who is seen as the aggressor and the oppressor (thats why shitty movies such as this have a huge following in the country). This isn't indigenous to my shitty personal experience but is ubiquitous all over the country. Thats why there was such a knee jerk butthurt reaction when the Deped removed the word "God loving" from their vision statement.

Thats all because believing in a higher power is THE norm in this shit hole (a shit hole that I love). Majority of Filipinos live thinking that everyone, is on the same page about a higher power. Thats why when someone disagrees with them, they get insulted and defensive. Doubting God's existence in the Philippines is like saying:

"The Holocaust was the greatest thing ever"
"Ted Bundy is innocent and should have won a Nobel Prize"
"Sana matalo si Pacquiao"

or even

"Sexual contact with children is appropriate"  ohhh wait


There is no doubt that the Philippines has a Roman Catholic majority and will have one for a long time to come. But in order for our beloved nation to have a place for everybody, secularism must take the front seat and religion at the back seat beside the fairy tales of old.

Top 9 Shitty Things Anti Intellectual Filipinos Say

You know what I’m talking about, turn on the TV you will be bombarded with it, go on the internet and you will be imbued in it. This anti intellectual culture probably represents 80% of Filipinos, it’s really distressing that in this country being a dumbass is cool, and being a learned fellow is something to be ashamed of. Educated fellows are forced to tip toe around these anti intellectuals in order to avoid being singled out and humiliated.

Now some of you may be pondering what makes an anti intellectual Filipino, here are some traits that may or may not qualify.

1.) Hates any intellectual discussion (would accuse you of being arrogant by just pointing out facts)

2.) Hates English

3.) TYpeS LikE tHIS

4.) Religious
5.) Adores TV personalities such as this

6.) Refuses enlightenment at all costs

Now that I have clarified the terms, here is the Top 9 Shitty Things Anti Intellectual Filipinos Say:

9.) Ikaw na!

 Well this is the most common anti intellectual shit that gets thrown around, so common that it is infused in everyday conversation such as when congratulating someone. The sad part is anti intellectuals use this to shame other people, by saying this line it kinda ostracizes the intellectual for not taking part in their dipshit mediocre mentality. 

8.) Sorry wala ako sa level mo eh
Same as "ikaw na!" however more direct since this line is specifically used to shame someone and pull them down. Saying this line exemplifies crab mentality in which the intellectual is shamed for being different, thus he or she must conform to the mAsA. 

7.) So what? “insert ad hominem pun here” ka naman eh!
On a personal note I get this a LOT. This is totally irrelevant and is designed as a comeback and a pitiful one at that. The anti intellectual is trying to divert the topic, dumb you down and beat you with experience, well you know the saying. 

6.) Wag mo na iexplain bobo na ako!

This line is usually said after the previous lines, once you try to enlighten the anti intellectual individual. This is their way of trying to protect their stupidity.

5.) Nagaaral ka lang dahil gusto mo ikaw lang ang magaling

Same as with number 7, isn't knowledge suppose to be a good thing? I guess the impact of this line surpasses all of the previous because it seems to combine all of them into an "anti intellectual hydrogen bomb". 

4.) Dami mong alam!
Why is this such a negative thing for them? Isn't this suppose to be a good thing?

3.) Yun sabi ng simbahan eh

Look back in the defining traits of an anti intellectual and you will find religious. Its been documented that Religion has long been anti intellectual and would go through great lengths to maintain the status quo, whether it may be labeling one as a heretic or burning at the stake. This is manifested by anti intellectual Filipinos who use their religious beliefs to justify their bullshit. Using bullshit to justify bullshit, isn't that the fuckest thing ever?  

2.) Di kaya ng powers ko!
You hear this a lot from dumb game shows and TV programs such as this and this. This line is a convenient scapegoat to avoid any intellectual discussion due to lack of knowledge or simply hating anything sophisticated. 

1.) Nosebleed!

This is anti intellectual Filipino's cream of the crop, this is it's Michael Jordan, Manny Pacquiao, or Lionel Messi. My reaction to this line is the equivalent of a Pacquiao KO loss, or a heartbreaking 3 pointer from the enemy team. The word "nosebleed is a slap to every Filipino to walk this fucking planet , both intellectual and feeble idiot. This line is an insult to the intellectual, in the sense that they are being told that their knowledge are ruining people's day and is even causing a physical symptom. While for the idiotic masses that usually say this mother fucking line, this is an insult to them as well, since they admit that they are too dumb to understand anything. Whats ironic is, the idiotic masses are too feeble minded to understand that they are insulting themselves.

Tips to Anti Intellectual Filipinos

This segment is for the entire anti intellectual Filipino population on the internet. Here are tips that you can follow in order for you to put your long wasted brain cells to use. Now so that  you can understand I will go down to your lingo and explain.  

1.) MaKIniG KaH: Hndi masama ma22, mas jologs mging tnga.

2.) Wag KnG EpAl: HndI aStIg mnG gaGo ng kapWa porKeT mas maY alaM silA saU, mAgiSip2 ka at tUlaraN mO silA. 

3.) kYa to Ng pOweRz Mu: WalAng aayAw tHink poSitiB!

Author's Note: Sorry it took me a while to get this article done, since I was busy with other projects and I kinda had a writer's block.. Since the article was picked up and circulated before its completion, I realized that people do pay attention to my work and my message. I will continue to write and drop bomb shells. Thanks for reading  - The Pedantic Cynic

The Impact of the Halo Effect on Philippine Society

Back in college I was part of a musical group, a loving familial student orchestra. Not only did we play Bach to Nickelback (now regretting the latter), we were also keen on other aspects of student life such as studies, friendships, and leadership. One important thing I learned during my time in this great organization is how people can get away with anything just as long as they possess a certain trait. During my time at the orchestra I had an org mate who was very interesting indeed, she was extremely snobby (judges people solely on what they wear), she was of no use whatsoever (couldn't do the simplest tasks), and to further put an exclamation mark on it, she was terrible at playing the flute (as in like you’re better off listening to goats having an orgy). But people didn't see that, you know why? Because she was sexy, or at least people perceived her to be hot (Honestly her weird fashion sense made her look like a Russian prostitute who had 5 shots of vodka and is behind her quota).

Despite all of these shitty attributes, she was elected to a high position within the orchestra (she actually didn't do any of the tasks, she had her fanboys do them), and people placed her in front during performances (a position usually reserved for the most skillful performer) even though she sounded like fuck. All because she was pretty, because hey, having a pretty face means being great performer and a leader right? This my friends is a perfect example of the Halo Effect. A term coined by the Father of Modern Educational Psychology Edward Thorndike, here is a definition from the website About.com:

            “The halo effect is a type of cognitive bias in which our overall impression of a person influences how we feel and think about his or her character. Essentially, your overall impression of a person ("He is nice!") impacts your evaluations of that person's specific traits ("He is also smart!")”

The Halo Effect isn't concealed to dumb college kids, it can be seen in various areas in society especially politics. People fall for it every time, even the so called “intellectual elites” fall for it. Now let’s play a game, I will describe how idiots view certain personalities and you guess who the person is:

1.) He is such a great boxer! I’m sure he will make a great president!

2.) He is always defending the masses in the movies, I’m sure he will defend the masses in real life. Corrupt politicians look out! Isang bala lang kayo!

3.) She has her father’s last name! She will make a great senator even though she has no political experience whatsoever.

4.) He is such a great noon time host! I’m sure he will make a great senator!

And finally

5.) He is the son of his mother and his mother is the wife of a charismatic martyr! I’m sure he is a great president! One more term!

This bullshit will only stop once we analyze an individual by their relevant merits instead of unrelated traits that distort their credentials. They know that most of us fall for this that is why they go for dumb infomercials such as this, this, and this. I know that the elections are 2 years away but please pick reputation over recognition, and reason over superstition.  

Top 9 Annoying things said by Butt Hurt UAAP/NCAA Basketball Fans After a Loss

5, 4,3,2,1, BUZZZZ! The game is over and your team lost. You now look at your fellow UAAP/NCAA fans (especially fans of the team that beat you), in a hostile suspicious manner as if they took your wallet. You now go online to rant about how unfair that call was, how the commission is conniving against you, and how there seems to be a conspiracy theory.  IF this is you then congratulations you are a butt hurt college basketball fan, and this article is for you.

Here are the Top 9 Annoying things said by people like YOU.

9.) Tangalin na sa team si insert name of player

Yes he may have lost the game, but everybody makes mistakes. Give the kid a damn break. A good example of this is the online hate that UST player Aljon Mariano received after losing the UAAP finals to DLSU.

8.) Win or Lose its the School we choose!

This is a sweet overused line said by many schools. If its for loyalty sake I get it, if its part of your school hymn I get it, but if you really look into it, it gets annoying. It does not make any sense, so are you saying that some people are willing to change schools just because of a Basketball game?

7.) Eh ano ngayon? Mas mataas naman ranking ng University/college namin

Relevance? This has nothing to do with the game and you are too butt hurt to admit defeat and congratulate the other team, thus you degenerate into this “pataasan ng ihi” quarrel. Please don’t say this anymore, the more you say the more butt hurt you look.

6.) Busy sila sa kakaaral eh

Then that means your players are terrible student athletes because they cannot excel in both academics and athletics. Also are you inferring that athletes from other schools don’t take care of their academics? The last time I checked, UAAP/NCAA schools have grade requirements for their athletes, they may not be Cum Laude standing, but they fulfill their requirements. This line is usually said by Universities with a brainy image (ehem UP). Princeton is one of the most august institutions in the world; their athletes don’t make this dumb excuse, and neither should you.

Basketball? bleh, nagaaral sila eh. Cheerdance? Game the fuck on!!!
Photo Courtesy of UP Diliman's Twitter account

5.) Hintayin niyo ang Cheerdance

Relevance? The Cheerdance competition has nothing to do with the recently concluded game in which you lost. Again another “Pataasan ng Ihi” quarrel.

Nobody saw this coming
Photo Courtesy of  Studio 23

4.) Mayaman kasi kayo eh

Again irrelevant, yes some teams have sponsors with deep pockets (ehem ehem La Salle and Ateneo). But we all know that the score starts 0-0. Shut up and give credit where it’s due.

3.) The UAAP/NCAA commission is out to get us.

Usually said by fans of powerhouse basketball teams (such as La Salle, San Beda, and Ateneo) who are on the losing side of a bad call. Bad calls happen, the players may change, the rules may change, but bad calls will always happen. What’s ironic is that if they benefit from a bad call they shut up and pretend its all fair.

2.) Nagpatalo lang kami kasi naawa kami sainyo

Edi sinong tanga?

1.) Luto

This two syllable word is really an atom bomb of a way to bury one’s reputation. These people question the honor of the officials some even go further to question the integrity of their own players. STOP IT! You are just exacerbating the situation, the last thing your University community needs is a bitter sense of resentment.   

Being a ref in the UAAP is a lose-lose situation
Photo Courtesy of  UAAP Memes

Tips to butt hurt UAAP/NCAA Basketball fans

1.) Do not complain: Yes bad calls happened, and the more you complain the more butt hurt you will look.

2.) Congratulate the winner: I know it hurts deep inside, but you have to move on and give credit where it’s due.

3.) Don’t give up on your team: Giving up on your team is worse than taking it all in the ass; it shows that you’re nothing more than a fair weather fan who just wants to be on the winning side of things. Continue to support your team! A withdrawal of fan support can have an impact on their performance and may result them in losing more games.

Author’s Note: I only placed 9 entries because a Top 10 is so overdone and I didn't want to rip off the retiring David Letterman. Yes this is my piss poor attempt at originality (wait, ohh crap); at least it ain’t as bad as this. And yes the Pedantic Cynic’s Top 9 will be an ongoing series for this blog.

Filipino Elitist Soccer Snobs

It’s the World Cup, an international spectacle that only happens once every four years, the jerseys are out, the hymns are being sung, Facebook profile pictures have turned into flags, and THEY are all over the place. You know what I’m talking about. These so called Filipino hardcore soccer fans (yes I called it soccer do something about it), have popped up all over the internet harassing and debating casual soccer fans about their rudimentary understanding of the sport.

They are usually composed of the economic and intellectual elite (since soccer is only taught in private schools). In social media sites their profile and/or cover photos are either flags or soccer players as if being unbearably annoying isn't enough. They dart in and out of internet threads and forums mocking fellow Filipinos about their lack of knowledge in soccer and how they know so much more. They also cheer for their World Cup team as if the team represents them.  

Yeah people who share memes such as this

These snobs take great insult when you call it “Soccer” since it should only be called Football; because apparently American Football and Rugby don’t exist. They blame Americans for coming up with this dumb term, even though it was the Europeans who came up with the word (click here to find out why). They also get annoyed at the hint of basketball being the king in the Philippines, they would go on litanies on how soccer is more suitable for the height of the Filipino (the only thing that made sense), and how the Azkals have accomplished more than Gilas Pilipinas in international competition, forgetting the fact that Gilas Pilipinas qualified for the World Cup while the Azkals couldn't even make it out of the AFC.

When it comes to their relationship with casual Filipino Soccer fans, these snobs feel somewhat superior since they have been watching the sport for a longer time. Their opinions weigh more simply because they can name every team that won the UEFA league, in an irrelevant and pitiful appeal to authority. It shows that the High School seniority mentality never left them. But does it even matter? Aren't casual fans great for the sport since they help with publicity by spreading awareness on various social media sites? These snobs somehow want to make Soccer an exclusive club, a group in which they feel smart and special, and no you are not invited.

watch your back

Favorite Lines of Filipino Elitist Soccer Snobs

You guys might be thinking that I’m drawing up a straw man but believe me these are real lines from Filipino Elitist Soccer Snobs

1.) Please don’t call it Soccer

2.) Dumb Americans came up with the word Soccer

3.) The PBA does not display homegrown talent unlike the Azkals.

4.) "How long have you been a football fan?" 

5.) You only started watching because of the Azkals, I’ve been watching the Euro leagues for years.

6.) Again please don’t call it soccer

Tips to Filipino Elitist Soccer Snobs

1.) Don’t be a snob! : If you want soccer to gain popularity in your country, creating a “soccer is only for the rich” image of the sport in minds of the Philippine masses is the last thing you want to do.

2.) Be Patient: Yes the Philippines won’t be Soccer country anytime soon. Yes Basketball is still the king and will be for a long time to come. Being a Soccer Snob won’t help. 

3.) Educate: Instead of frowning at your fellow Filipinos who are new at watching the sport for pondering why can’t the players grab the ball and dunk it inside the goal or for not knowing a soccer player other than David Beckham. Educate them about the rules of the beautiful game and tell them the tales of the legendary Pele and Maradona.

4.) Leave Basketball Alone: We can enjoy both Soccer and Basketball, no need to bash the other sport.

Soccer is a beautiful sport that transcends national boundaries, and languages. It has the power to unite or divide the world. Let’s not ostracize the neophytes, instead let’s have fun! Run to the bar, watch the games, get drunk, and scream your effings lungs out.

OLE OLE OLE!