The Top 5 Types of Duterte Supporters

After a long hiatus that has been marred by shitstorm after shitstorm after shitstorm, I have decided to write again. It appears that our dear leader has been dominating both local and international headlines. Though his behavior will be for another article, this will be mainly dedicated to his army of dedicated followers. Whose intellect, love for irony and unyielding support has caused not only moments of disbelief but of  intellectual shock. So without further adieu here are the top 5 types of Duterte supporters.

In the year 2050 everyone in this photo will deny ever being in this photo.

HONORABLE MENTION

The Promdi Prayd Diehard

Keywords: Di kami ganun sa insert name of non Manila city/province, You guys don't understand promdi humor!

The only reason why this is in the honorable mention section and this list ain't a top 6 is because this group is slowly dying out. Trust me if this list was made before the election this might even take the top spot. The past year myths were not only shattered but castrated, and lets see how this joke would do on a laughter scale:

Duterte: Its ok to rape! Just limit it to three!
Pinoy Promdi Audience: WAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHH
Rest of the World: ummmmmmmmmm..

 If you by any means find Duterte's rape jokes funny then you have absolutely no sense of morality. Its not even South Park/Family Guy level of "its so bad its funny", its just... bad.

The Top 5 Types of Duterte Supporters

5.) The "I didn't think he would actually do that!" crowd. 

Keywords: "I knew he said that but I hope he would not do that so I voted for him but he did that"

If you are upset because you did not expect this and this to happen well you may be beyond help. Your thought process is no different than this:

"Holy shit! I didn't know the Pro Rape Legalization Party that I supported ACTUALLY supported legalizing rape!!!? 

Where are you guys now? Cause I can't hear shit from any of you. To be honest this group reminds me of another group of idiots.

4.) The Federalismo Fans

Keywords:"Imperial Manila!",FEDERALISMO! (Followed by a google search what is federalism?)"

I'm sure all of us at one point had to go to a government office for documents and we were faced with long lines, incompetent government employees and the hassle if dealing with the bureaucracy of needing "4 copies of this, 4 copies of that, clearance with this, clearance with that". Separating powers along with all the adjustments and legal confusing overlaps will just add to all that. Hell, these kids don't even know what Federalism is and its pros and cons.

3.) The "LP = Nickelback" Group

Keywords: Noytard!, YOLANDA FUNDS!, Impeach Leni! Yellow media!,

This is getting old, this is so getting old. The constant topic shift,  I can go on and on on how this is irrelevant since not only are they no longer in power, they are literally, a sinking ship. Remember before the elections when this was a major issue and how a new administration would fix it? Well how has it been? Pedal to the metal?

2.) The "Anti Political Correct" Political Correct Bukoflake

Keywords: bias!, Abias CBN!, No he did not mean that!, He was joking!, bayaran! (the irony eh?)

Yes a bukoflake is a Filipino snowflake #pinoyprayd

Whenever these people annoy you please refer to the following as this is their thought process:

"I love Duterte! He tells it as it is!! Every should just stop being triggered and laugh along god damn it life is short! What? A Rape joke? He did not mean that specifically you have read between the lines, I mean I make jokes too sometimes. Plus it was probably misreported by the biased media that was paid for by the LP, who is just all about image crafting and photo ops, not like THE MAN. Why can't people follow real news"

Do you follow?

1.) The "Hey at least its not me" crowd.

Keywords: OBOSEN!, OMG ganun pala si Du30, I still wouldn't change my vote! because paano na yung bla bla bla?, well dapat di na nagdrugs yung bata

First it was the drug dealer, then it was the drug user, then it was the suspected, then it was the media, then its gonna be you. Know this quote? Yeah its gonna be you one day, and please don't be all Paul Revere and triggered.

Tips to Du30 Supporters 
1.) Get out of your echo chamber: Im sure by now you are sick and tired of drawing imaginary enemies and ranting against the paid propaganda. Why don't you engage people outside your bubble? Take me for example, thats why I am able to come up with this list and tear you a new one cause I learned about your group.

2.) Realize that you are not cool: Given how things are currently going, I wouldn't be surprised if 50 years from now you will tell your grandkids how much of a "yellowtard", you were in 2017 but you don't agree with the current Liberal Party leader.

3.) ITS OK TO ADMIT YOU WERE WRONG: Life is short, its never to late to say uncle and change.

Du30: The Anti Intellectualism of the Filipino Intellectual

Admit it, this happens a lot.

                               

There seems to be a certain trend I have been observing when I lurk around conversations (both online and in person) regarding the upcoming elections, and that is the coming of our "savior". Now I am not the one to bash a group of people for fervently supporting their candidate. I actually applaud those who want to be involved in the democratic process. However if you see my other articles I have an intense disdain for anti intellectuals, and this group of people fit that description. What is heartbreaking is that many Duterte supporters are actually very rational intellectual people but due to emotions, black and white thinking, and provincial pride. Their ability to critically think has been hijacked with an anti intellectual mob, that attacks anyone who disagrees with them. I'm sure you have heard a variation of this conversation:


Voter A: Boboto ko si Duterte kasi kailangan natin ng disciplina!

Voter B: Wait gusto mo ng human rights abuser bilang presidente?
Voter A: Basta maayos niya ang problema ok na ako!

Voter B: Pero and mga plataporma niya ay hindi epektibo at makatarungan. Magiging diktador siya tulad ni Marcos! At alam na alam ko na ayaw mo kay Macoy.

Voter A: Oo ayaw ko kay Marcos,  alam ko madaling abusuhin ng kapangyarihan and diktador pero iba si Duterte! Hindi siya abusado, anti trapo siya at hindi siya diktador.

Voter B: Siguro ka ba? Alam mo na ba to? Siya mismo nagsabi.

Voter A: TUMAHIMIK KA NUMBER ONE FAN KA LANG NI MAR ROXAS AT BITCH SI KORINA SANCHEZ!

Voter B: Wait wait wait!! paano napunta ang usapan jan!!??

Voter A: SI MAR AY WALANG NAGAWA! SIYA ANG DAHILAN KUNG BAKIT MAY TRAFFIC! BINULSA NIYA YUNG YOLANDA FUNDS!
Voter B: Paano napunta yung usapan doon??

Voter A: NOYTARD KA RIN!

Voter B: Uhhhhhh.......

Again this article isn't about which candidate is more suited for office, it is about the fervent mob attitude of a once rational people capable of critical thinking. They will start attacking you, or changing the topic to this guy. Hell the double standard it so defined that a photoshopped picture and an edited video taken out of context gets rounds on social media, while this gets a standing ovation. Duterte supporters can't even take a fucking joke about their idol and come up with good satire.

Du30 for prez! Pero kakausapin ko muna mga anak ko na wag pumunta sa computershop sa gabi!!

Tips for DU30 supporters


1.) Remember our history: Remember this guy? Yeah before we know it the term "naSalvage" will be replaced with "NaDDS". Different time same result.

2.) Macho men in politics don't work: As you should know having a superman/FPJ like figure does not fix anything. Lets say if Duterte does have a good presidency killing innocent people, then his term ends. Now what? Have him stay another term? Duterte is the equivalent of a short term feeding program for the poor, we should invest more in a long term solution.


3.) Davao sucks: Seriously guys, one of the main arguments of Duterte supporters is how safe the city of Davao is. This is just another variation of "ganito kami sa Makati". But when you look at the actual facts, it is not safe at all. You are better of walking in Ermita at midnight carrying 60 Ipads than strolling along Duterte's wonderland.

Top 9 Worst Philippine Campaign Jingles

Simple infomercials for simple minds

In a month the 2016 Philippine General Elections will commence , phony promises will be made and stupid platforms will be advertised. The airwaves are probably jammed with infomercials, preventing you from watching this or this. Campaigning via television has long been an art form, from the time of  Kennedy vs. Nixon, whereas in America  the focus of a political ad is grounded on social issues. In the Philippines political strategists don't need to go the extra mile in having a logical campaign ad full of arguments and positions, since people are to damn stupid. In a nutshell political adds in the Philippines can be summarized with this. Now lets look back at the campaign jingles in recent memory that were bat shit awful.


So Here are the Top 9 Worst Philippine Campaign Jingles



9.) Turn My Name Into a Pun

Politician: Jambi Madrigal
Election Used: 2013 General Elections
Message sent: I love poor people and hate corrupt people! Vote for me!!
Message received: JAJAJAJAMBIII JAJAJAJAMBIIIII!!!!!
Result: Lost - 20th place

Up first is Jambi Madrigal, to be honest the message of this commercial actually ain't that bad, its concise and direct to the point. However its the 2nd half that halted the momentum, in Psychology we have a term called the recency effect, which means that we are more likely to remember and infuenced with what came last. So much for showing your qualifications just to have people remember, JAJAJAJAMBI!

8.) Anak ako ni FPJ, walang expereince? Nga pala sinabi ko na ba sayo na anak ako ni FPJ?

Politician: Grace Poe
Election Used: 2013 General Elections
Message sent: Anak ako ni FPJ iboboto niyo ako kasi idol niyo siya!
Message received: Anak siya ni FPJ! Iboboto ko siya!
Result: Won- 1st Place

This list will include some entries from candidates who have actually won in the elections due to the wrong reasons. Some might think that this should not be a part of this list as Grace Poe topped the 2013 Senatorial race, but since I'm an elitist wise crack its here. All this commercial said was that "anak siya ni FPJ" over and over again, and the Philippine feeble minded masa ate it up and ate it good.

7.) Look who I am related to! 

Politician: Bam Aquino
Election Used: 2013 General Elections
Message sent: I am related to him, him, and her so please vote for me!
Message received: BAM = Bobo ang Maniwala
Result: Won- 7th Place

This entry would probably offend your Titos and Titas from the baby boomer generation who lived through martial law and were at EDSA I. But lets face it, this commercial was horrendous, not even a single fucking platform was given.

6.) Please forget! Please forget!

Politician: Gringo Honasan
 Election Used: 2007 Philippine General Elections
Message sent: My son is here looking like a crying puppy, please forget that i tried to to overthrow the government after EDSA.
Message received: Uy wawa naman yung bata, ano pangalan ng tatay niya? Honasan? Uy tunog familiar boto ko nga chong....
Result: Won 10th Place

It amazes me how quick people forget his crimes throughout the 70s and the 80s. That a commercial  terribly made as this one can win an election.

5.) My Church-mates/Friends who you have no idea who, like me therefore you should to. 

Politician: Eddie Villanueva
Election used: 2010 Presidential Elections
Message sent: These people who hopefully you know like me, therefore you should to. Ohh and I like God.
Message received: Wait wait! Sino sila??? Tsaka,,,, sino ka??
Result: Lost -5th place 

Its extremely mind boggling that someone with the minuscule fame of Brother Eddie Villanueva ran for president not once but twice. The main bulk of his supporters and his confidence comes from his Jesus is Lord Church, which has about 4 million followers. But sadly he never realized in the grander scale that 4 million followers half of which did not even vote for him pales in comparison to the general population. All that being said, he hoped this commercial can turn the tide but sadly it failed. The video starts with a bunch of D-list nobodies, talking about how great he is and how he loves God, and it ends with him talking about God. Wow... To sum it up this video:

"Nobodies convincing nobodies to vote for a nobody"

clap..clap.. clap....


4.) Lets treat the Filipino people like kindergarten class! 

Politician:Joker Arroyo
Election Used: 2007 Philippine General Elections
Message sent: Good people are my allies and bad people are my enemy.
Message received: Kung good ako, ok ako, so kung bad ako.... ano nga pala yun?
Aftermath: Won- 7th Place

Ok lets try this again... kung good ako, ok ako, pero kung bad ako...... ok I give up.


3.) Mama I need help!

Politician: Noynoy Aquino
Election Used: 2007 General Elections
Message sent: My mama likes me so should you.
Message received: May anak na lalaki pala si Cory at Ninoy? Hmm may bakante pa balota ko, sige na nga.
Aftermath: Won- 6th place

Just like with "Bobo Ang Maniwala Aquino", this commercial gives ZERO substances, all appeal to emotion. Without Cory, Pnoy would be a nobody, and without Ninoy Cory would be a nobody. If you followed this article from the beginning, the Achilles heal of the Filipino people is the lack of critical thinking. What the hell were you all thinking?

2.) The Pedicab Fiasco

Politician: Mar Roxas
Election used: 2010 Presidential Elections
Message sent: We can do this together!
Message received:  Bro mukha kang tanga......
Result: Dropped out of the race, ran for vice president and lost.

Mar Roxas is back and running again for the highest office in the land. To be honest he may have the best platform, but for the love of Christ he has the worst PR team. In this commercial he is talking to a bunch of street children who are the victims of the lack of child labor laws, and it begins with him exploiting child labor by riding that pedicab. Then the commercials implodes into awkwardness as it ends with him leading an army of pedicabs  down a highway that in real life would have been a traffic disaster one in which he is constantly blamed for. What happened to Mr. Palengke? Hopefully now he has learned his lesson and hire a better PR team, oh never mind you're fucked.

1.) I'm Poor! Just like you!!! 

Politician: Manny Villar
Election used: 2010 General Elections
Message sent: Galing ako sa mahirap kaya iboto niyo ako
Message received: Ikaw mahirap???? Bleh di ka naman poor chong!!
Result: Lost - 3rd Place

No campaign blunder in the history of campaign commercials has destroyed a presidential bid like this one. It is human nature that when someone tries to hard sell something to you, you would automatically show doubt and bring some sort of resistance both relevant and irrelevant.

 In the 2010 presidential elections then Senator Manny Villar was wiping Mar Roxas on the floor in the polls with a comfortable lead, but when this led to this there was a huge panic in his camp. Rattled by the automatic superstar status of PNoy. Manny Villar's camp decided to change their approach. Instead of the moderate and reasonable campaign jingle that gave him the comfortable lead over Roxas. They decided to go all in on the "Hampas lupa ako tulad niyo" route which gave rise to the infamous "nakaligo ka na ba sa dagat ng basura" series of infomercials that came in such volume in local television that you would think that Pacquiao had a fight.

This made people doubt him being poor and even worse placed his finances under the microscope which was his Achilles heal. Various scandals most notably the C5 road extension issue rocked his campaign to the point of no return. He even lost to this guy who just got out of jail.


How about the greatest campaign jingle in Philippine election history?

Politician: Ramon Magsaysay
Election used: 1953 General Elections
Message sent: We need democracy and honest government, I am your guy, plus listen to this catchy tune.
Message received:  We need this guy! And this tune rocks!
Result: Won-1st Place

Just listen to it, nuff said.

Top 9 Things I would like to say to the INC Protesters

It was suppose to be the perfect vacation, after years of not coming home I managed to take a break in between semesters and jobs to go home and be with the people that matter the most. Things were great! Visited old friends and family,  went to the common balik bayan spots and had an unhealthy dozzage of Chickenjoy. Now a little more than a week before my departure we were driving along EDSA (or somewhere near there) and for some odd fucking reason there seemed to be an anti government rally which turned out to be the Iglesia ni Cristo (INC) rally. A friend of mine briefed me on the situation with various news articles and I was pissed beyond belief. So while sitting on my ass for 5 hours, and having to endure the hoards of misleading placards, Mexican/Irish flags and dimwits shouting and banging on the car. I decided to write this long awaited top 9 list.


So without further adieu here are the Top 9 Things I would like to say to the INC Protesters .


9.) GET OUT OF THE FUCKING WAY!!
Listen fuckers, the world does not revolve around you. Yes politicians are willing to kneel down and suck you for this. But that does not mean you can hold the country's lifeline hostage when things don't go your way. Damn it one of your placards just hit the car.

8.) You're making this a bigger issue than what it really is!
Again listen fuckers this seems to be an overblown family issue. The only reason the state is getting involved is because someone submitted a formal complaint, thus the court will follow through. Your organization would not have been the center of national hate had you guys just let the judicial process and hire the best lawyers (we know you guys are rich). Are your internal corruption issues that bad that you would risk the reputation of your entire group?

7.) You want respect? AGAIN GET OUT OF THE FUCKING WAY
You guys are just doing the damn opposite, if you wanted to have an effective action part of it is to have the support of popular opinion but you're pissing everyone off. Yes 5 million INC members seem like a huge number but it pales in comparison to the 95 million Filipinos who think that you are full of shit.

6.) No! This is not the same as the EDSA revolution. 
The 1986 EDSA revolution was a battle for democracy against a tyrant, while EDSA 2 was a battle against corruption. The current INC rallies is just an overblown family conflict with judicial involvement because someone tried to file a complaint. Listen fuckers the INC rallies will be similar to the EDSA revolution if the EDSA revolution was a rally to protect pedophile priests with the rallying call of separation of church and state.

Tangina ang sikip at init! Pucha kumuha nga kayo ng abogado! uuwi na ako! 

Speaking of which this brings us to.......

5.) You are doing "separation of church and state" a disservice. 
Separation of the church and state does not mean immunity from state laws. And no! no bible verse can justify your current idiocy. If you guys were to have your way with your definition of the separation of church it would be a slap in the face of progress and would be a step back. This is like putting homosexuality back in the DSM for fucksakes.

4.) The "wag kang makialam" counter argument holds no weight since YOU'RE IN THE FUCKING WAY
This really pushed my buttons, the problem is that it does not make any fucking sense. What if a quareling couple argues in front of your driveway and refuses to move thus preventing you from getting to work? If you were to tell them to take it elsewhere they will tell you "wag kang makialam!", im sure you would say what there rest of us are thinking "eh tanga ka pala eh! naaapektuhan ako sa gulo niyo! GET OUT OF THE FUCKING WAY!"

3.) No! your "unahin niyo ang isyu ng corrption sa Gobyerno"! Counter argument makes no sense.
It is fucking irrelevant, it kinda sounds like this scenario:

POLICE: Hi sir, after the inspection we have found 20 pounds of cocaine strapped in the pockets of your coat, your pants, and in your underwear.,you are under arrest.
ASSWIPE: But I have the freedom to.....
POLICE: Sorry sir this illegal in the state of California.
ASSWIPE: Why arrest me? Arrest the drug cartels in Mexico!
POLICE: Sir you can clarify everything at the station.
ASSWIPE: But why are you arresting me!? Arrest the oil CEOs who are destroying the polar ice caps.
POLICE: Sir please cooperate.
ASSWIPE: What about the shark killers in Japan! They are worst!
POLICE: Sir are you alright?
ASSWIPE: What about the well being of the pandas in China!!

2.) No one is above the law
The separation of the church and state does not mean being immune to state laws. Think about it this way what if one of the higher up INC officials for some fucked up reason raped you, burned your house, then decapitated your dog.  Where will you go to complain? If what your fighting for is to be followed he will get away with it since he is above the law.

No one is above secular law, Christian, Muslim, Jew, Hindu, or Atheist.

You guys would make more sense if the banner read "Cry for financial freedom! Leave our income alone INC!"

1.) Thats not how this works.. thats not how any of this works...
Your definition of the separation of church and state is just as erroneous as the old ladies interpretation of social media in the linked video.While these ladies are the forgivable untechsavy baby boomers, INC protesters on the other hand are the equivalent of someone interpreting Darwin's On the Origins of Species as evidence for creationism.

Genius 

Tips to the Politicians handling this situation
Yes i'm referring to all of you, while you guys are busy defending the family empire, squeezing whats left of your father's legacy, and banging one's wife. You guys can actually use this situation to your political advantage! Read the following!

1.) Fuck them hard, no im not joking you should fuck them hard. 
I know you guys are probably popping their dicks in your mouths to get the close to 5 million block vote. But here is the deal, if you call them out in the name of justice and secularism. You will be a hero to the 95 million other Filipinos who aren't INC!!! Now we know its not united,  they all won't vote for you, and quite frankly a lot of them are dumbasses on their seats for the next Kris Aquino show. However you will still be a hero to many including the intellectual minority, whose votes could be more or less 20 million! (my estimate). Im not good at math but I know 20 million is much bigger than 5 million.



Tips to the INC Protesters
Here I will talk to the INC faithful, thus to compensate for their lack of logic and reason I will stoop down to their lingo as if I were one of them. 

Magandang araw mga kapatid!Ngayon alam ko pagod kayo sa kakarally sa EDSA at sa iba't ibang bahagi ng Pilipinas. Habang tayo ay nagwagi sa protesta at sa boxing, kailangan natin tangapin na pikon ang buong Pilipinas saatin mga mahal na kapatid. Isipin mo kunwari 5 million tayo, dami natin di ba? Pero 95 million naman po ang hindi Iglesia. So parang sa bawat isa saatin na yumawagayway ng Bandila ni Juan Manuel Marquez, may 19 na pinoy na gusto tayong batukan ng tsinelas mga kapatid. Pero alam po naman natin na pagnagkainitan tayo kakampihan ng diyos dahil tayo ang tama.

 Bago tayo magpahinga para bumalik sa trabaho upang may pambayad po tayo ng kanya kanyang INC membership fees, pagisipin niyo po muna at iconsider ang sumusunod

1.) Mag sorry po tayo sa mga naabala natin aber!: Di po tayo ang centro ng mundo! magsorry po tayo sa naabala natin! Magpadala tayo ng isang milyong "Binay style" sorry cakes! sa mga naabala at icancel na rin natin ang susunod na "Kabayan ko Kapatid ko" program dahil maawa na po tayo sa mga moterista.

2.) Magisip po tayo next time bago sumali sa katangahan: Ay hay nako mga kapatid! mag isip isip naman po tayo! Wag naman tayo sumunod na parang aso sa utos ng mga head ng chapter natin. Magisip tayo mga pre, What would Manalo Do? (WWMD).

Maraming salamat sainyong pasensya mga kapatid! Mabuhay ang secularismo! Magpasalamat din tayo sa diyos sa mapayapang protesta at TANGINA MO ELI SORIANO!

Top 9 Reasons why Philippine University Pride is Stupid

"UP and others"
"I'd rather be green than be blue"
"Win or lose its the school we choose"

Familiar lines huh? You may notice it at school, the office, and especially online. No matter what you do it pops up. Pages and links such as this and this get thousands and thousands of views, in order to cover up the insecure and small pond mentality of Pinoy university pride.  Whether it may be rankings in terms of website views, or numbers of centers of bullshit. Philippine university pride seems to be the persistent "pataasan ng ihi" discussion that gives Filipinos a false sense of intellect and security, however it only gives us the excuse to put each other down and shit on each other.

Yes pinoy university pride is so strong that it beat out 193 other countries in the google search

So with all of the trashtalk online, at schools, and at the office lets find out why it is all jack fuck. So without further adieu here are the Top 9 Reasons why Philippine University Pride is Stupid.


9.) Brings out false sense of superiority 
Yes the false sense of superiority, just because the transcript you are holding has a "branded" label does not give you the excuse to bash people at work, and yes there is a good chance that your boss will be offended. So if I were you chill the fuck down, and tone down your university jokes, unless you already have your resume ready for your next job hunt.

8.) Entrance exams don't mean fuck
We are all familiar with the line "di ka lang nakapasa sa "Insert name of entrance exam here" . Yes it certainly is annoying. Standardized testing as a form of measurement has long been criticized for its validity and overall usefulness . However in the Philippines, a place where your performance on a college entrance exam administered at 6 AM is the sole indicator of your intellectual potential, it certainly sucks to be a poor test taker (and a night owl). Failing a college entrance exam does not prove anything, and no "big 4" reject you are not garbage, these people are.

7.) Creates unnecessary divisions
Have you ever felt that division in the office? All of the Blues in one office all of the Greens in the other? Grow the fuck up and move the fuck on, UAAP season is fun, but outside sports you are no different than this.

6.) You are not your school.
Yes you did pass the "insert the name of super uber duper hard entrance exam", however at the end of the day what did you prove? That you are a better test taker? a morning person" or a "non quota course" tactician? Remember the brand of your diploma doesn't mean fuck, yes you did finish from La Salle or Ateneo, but that doesn't change the fact that without hardwork you would still be underemployed and stuck in what you people call lesser occupations.

5.) Puts down non NCR Universities
It really in unfortunate that no matter how hard these students try or how great their results are, HR recruiters would still favor others over them. This not only shits on their hardwork but it shows that one Filipino can literally shit discrimination on each other.

4.) Brings on false expectations
Does coming from Ateneo mean that you're automatically good at English? Does coming from La Salle automatically mean that you're a dumb rich person? Does coming from UP automatically mean that you are a super genius  who in spite living of 5 pesos a day overcame poverty (insert dramatic pinoy music here ) and is  destined for unparalleled greatness? No, these stereotypes are bullshit, and yes Ateneo grad puwede ka na magtagalog.

3.) Rankings aren't everything
Its long been accepted that one should pay little attention to overall rankings when talking about Universities, since each school has its own uniqueness to offer, however in the Philippines we seem to be stuck in the stone age about this matter. I remember one day at the office I was reading a about a certain University listing than included schools from around the world, the conversation went something like this.

Me: Oi may nakalista sa school na galing Pilipinas! (Now reading in alphabetical order as listed), Ateneo, La Salle, at UP!
Asswipe coworker: Ohh you meant UP, Ateneo, and La Salle?
Me:........?

2.) Its a fucking waste of time
Why not instead of having an "us against them" mentality, why don't we work together and let our individuality shine through in our collective goals? A PUP graduate having various trying life experiences can offer a new perspective on a topic that a bunch of Ateneo/La Salle grads will never realize. So yeah, reality check elitist brats.

1.) They all suck
It is very interesting that with all of the pinoy University pride posts on the internet, not one Philippine university could even make it to the top 30 in Asia. This is probably how Filipino university pridists sound like to foreigners.

Asshole A: Hey you! Your school sucks! My school is better since its ranked  461st best university in the world! While yours is just the 651st best university in the world!
Asshole B: Ohh yeah? Well we have more centers of bullshit!
Supreme Asshole: Well fuck all of you! I'm from the 367th best university in the world!


See how shallow and stupid all of this is?


Tips to Filipino University Pridists 

1.) Again, you are not your school.
Focus on your individual characteristics, such as enhancing your strengths to compensate your weaknesses, instead of the color of your school jacket.

2.) See the bigger picture
Remember the Philippines is not the entire world for bitchsake, Philippine University Pride is the epitome of a big fish in the small pond, and this happens when the "big fish" is scooped from the pond and flung into the ocean.

Top 9 Reasons why the MMFF must DIE

It's that time of the year again! The shitty trailers are out, the lines are long, actors who can't act are stretching their wallets for a pay day, and the press is going gaga. Yup its the Metro Manila Film Festival (MMFF). For decades we have had to endure this event with all of its crappiness, it is inevitable, you can't avoid it, it is like trying to dodge rain drops during a typhoon, move all you want but in the end you're fucked. Here are 9 reasons why the MMFF must die.

9.) Forced Monopoly
Nothing beats competition than banning all of the outside competition so that you can spoon feed the public with your shit. Foreign films dives up competition, and this may improve the quality of local films for consumers, but fuck that! Ban all foreign films and open wide for the next Ryzza Mae Dizon shitfest.

8.) Unnecessary Panic Fueled Movie Binge
How many times have you heard this conversation?:

Dad: We have to watch "insert name of great foreign movie", as well as "insert name of great foreign movie", and "insert name of great foreign movie", tonight!
Son: But Dad thats too much! whats the rush?
Dad: Tangina MMFF  na bukas eh!! Ito pera pumila ka na jan! Ako dito ako pipila!

I tell you every December I hear variations of this conversation. Does it have to be like this? Does it have to feel like it's the "Fall of Saigon" when we are trying to escape shitty local films?

7.) Fuels the Status Quo of the  Dull Movie Industry
Hey if it is not broken why fix it right? past MMFF earnings rose to at least 767 million pesos. Why try to invest more money on better actors, special effects, and motherfucking script when anything they release turns into gold?

6.) Reinforces "Masa Culture"
Movies have a lot of influence in society, if you are one of the film makers and you make a film as influencing as this, then God speed. However if your films promote social stereotypes and anti intellectualism, your creativity is far past fucked.

5.) Destroys Holiday Spirit
Nothing destroys the holiday spirit more than not being able to watch the movie of your choice, but hey! at least we get to see My Big Bossings!

4.) Shitty Actors
nuff said

3.) Shitty Movies
nuff said

2.) A National Blunder
MMFF is suppose to show the world, the pinnacle of Filipino films, the exemplary, the cream of the crop. Now if titular puns, slap stick horror anal feasts, and atrocious family films staring spoiled brats are the creme de la creme of Philippine Cinema, ohhh booyyyy,

Lets put it this way, imagine there is an international food festival where all of the countries present their finest cuisine, however instead of serving Lechon and Kare-Kare, the Philippines chose to present the finest food items from Jollibee and Angel's Burger.

Well fuck it, that might even be better.

1.) Foreign Movies Are Just Better
Now before you "pinoy pride" asswipes rape the comments section hear me the fuck out first.  LOCAL MOVIES SUCK THEY HAVE ALWAYS BEEN AND WILL ALWAYS BE UNLESS THINGS CHANGE. We being consumers, must be open to all products in the market, if Carlos P. Garcia were alive today i'm sure he would regret making the "Filipino First Policy". Now as a consumer what would you rather watch, this, or this?, this or this?

To the film makers, remember whatever you release as long as it stars famous actors, people will ride on it more than men riding Sasha Grey. So why not make a decent fucking script and educate those dimwits?

Unless the Philippine film industry steps up and makes decently acceptable films that target more than the dumbest Filipino (who probably has a subscription of Kris Aquino magazine, and chokes on glutathione pills), the industry will not progress in the creative aspect and in the year 2050 we will have:

 "Ang Tanging Ina N'yong Lahat na Nagshashake Rattle and Roll sa Bahay ni Lola 8"

Tips to MMFF Movie Goers
1.) Save your Money: You are better off making a paper mache lantern with 100 peso bills than see those films.  I like many others would not pay 200 pesos for a 2 hour commercial.

2.) Find Alternative Ways To Spend Time With Family: If you're a parent taking your kids to see one of those movies you better question your parenting skills.

3.) Question Your Intelligence: Seriously if you reached this part of the article and you're fuming with anger you need to chill the fuck down and ponder about you're intellectual capacity, unless you really have a fetish for over the top product placements and shitty acting. I'm sure there is a good chance that you are one of them.

Top 9 Retarded Things said by Online Marcos Loyalists

If you go on the social media sites you know it, if you talk to a politically opinionated kid who was born in nineties you know it, and if you had a conversation with an elderly person dissatisfied with the current administration but does not know what he/she wants, you have had enough of it. This Pro-Marcos propaganda bullshit is really alarming, whether the hashtags might be #Marcosparin or #BBM2016 you know that shit has really gone down in Philippine society.

To set things straight, i'm no Pnoy defender and Kris Aquino is a piece of shit. These Marcos loyalists have multiplied in number the past years and are really starting to look like various religious/political extremists such as this. These Filipinos come from all walks of life but here are possible traits of an online Marcos Loyalist:

1.) People with a batshit sense of logic

2.) Likes pages such as this and this

3.)  Nineties kids or post Martial Law kids that think they are so smart

Now that I have clarified the terms, without further adieu here are the Top 9 Retarded Things said by Online Marcos Loyalists

9.) Noytard!
This line is usually said by a Marcos defender when confronted by facts, as an act of desperation he/she would then attack you personally by labeling you. This does not only show their lack of knowledge of history, but their lack of knowledge of logic. It doesn't mean that if one hates Marcos he/she would automatically kiss Aquino's a**. This is a perfect example of the  fallacy of false alternative.

8.) Number 1 fan ka ni Kris Aquino!
Same as above, but this ranks a spot higher due to it scoring higher in the retard scale. Tangina paano ba napunta sa usapan si Kris Aquno!?

7.) Mahirap tayo ngayon dahil pinaalis niyo si Marcos!
A perfect example of a causal fallacy, yes we are in the dumps as of today, however it does not necessarily mean that the decline was caused by the ousting of Marcos. History does say that the decline happened DURING this administration.

6.) Ok lang magnanakaw basta may nagawa
When someone says this line my head usually thinks about this analogy, what if your house had a plumbing problem and you called the best plumber in town, he then proceeds to fix your piping issues, however he overcharges you, steals all of your furniture, and bangs your wife. But hey! at least he fixed your piping problem.

5.) They deserved it
This line is usually said by Marcos defenders against the victims of the atrocities of  Martial Law. They say shit such as (non-verbatim) "Your brother was arrested and tortured without a trial? He deserved it since he's a commie!" or "Your sister was arrested, gang raped at home, brought to Crame, gang raped again there, then tortured to death? She deserved it for inciting a revolution!" To all the Marcos defenders out there, if you say insensitive shit similar to this, you've got to realize that you're on the wrong side.

Yeah we love being beat on by the cops! Time of our lives!

4.) He had the most accomplishments than all of the other presidents combined!!!
This is arguable, however it may very well be true in terms of infrastructure. But isn't that expected of someone who had 2 decades of unquestionable power? If another president had the same opportunity as Marcos he/she could have done waaaaaaaayyy more than build a bunch of hospitals and bridges. Also lets take into account the kick backs he and his cronies were able to earn from these projects. So if some Marcos retard gives you this argument, just throw it right back at that dimwit by saying "Well he stole the most money than all the other presidents combined!!!"

Picture? Check! Caption? Check! Must be legit!

3.) Only 2% of the Philippine population was at EDSA
This line is usually said by some kid who thinks that he/she is so smart because he stumbled on bullshit propaganda such as this and this. First of all there is only so much a fucking highway can hold. You can't fit 56 million people in a damn highway, plus lets consider that the Philippines is an archipelago thus it is natural that not everyone can go. Marcos retards would then say that the EDSA revolution was only concealed in Imperial Manila, however facts would say otherwise.

The commies armed with flowers overwhelmed our troops!

2.) Down with the Yellow Media!
Marcos facts? Propaganda! Media representation? Propaganda! Remember how much heat this video got? It seems that Marcos loyalists have the same sense of logic as the most fucked up conspiracy theorists. When there is evidence against their claim, they immediately dismiss it as propaganda, they even see it as evidence to support their claim since there is a "cover up".

1.) Da best si Marcos dahil mas mura pa ang mga bilihin nun
This over here is the mothership of Marcos Loyalist stupidity, this is it's Ferrari, or Lamborghini. This is the pinnacle of Pro-Marcos arguments and the nadir of basic logic. If that is the case what about the presidents that went BEFORE Marcos!? I'm sure mas mura yung bilihin nung panahon ni Aguinaldo, so  Aguinaldo should be the greatest of all time! If Americans followed the same fucked up logic George Washington would be the best since you can actually buy a ranch for $20. Lets look at the facts here, while Marcos was in power the buying power of the peso depreciated exponentially, hell, people already wanted him out midway through his second term. This way of thinking CANNOT live to the next generation so if you have the unfortunate realization that you say this line a lot I would like you to do the following steps:
1.) Pull your pants down
2.) Kiss your balls
3.) Get a knife
4.) (you know what)
5.) Pull your pants up and be proud that you did your country a favor.

Tips to Online Marcos Loyalists
This segment is dedicated to those post martial law kids who think their decomposing idol is the shit. Now pause that  game and/or futile job search (the chances are you have a useless Liberal Arts degree anyway), and read this.   

1.) Research! Dumbass!: Stop labeling things that debunk your claims as propaganda, maybe the media ain't biased on this issue? Maybe you're a just a delusional dimwit who thinks he/she is so smart just because he/she saw a Marcos meme online? Try foreign sources

2.) Read stories about Martial Law Atrocities: Instead of looking at the numbers of Martial Law Atrocities as a mere statistic, lets try to put a face on it. Now can you tell someone who's sister/daughter/friend/girlfriend was gang raped and tortured to death by the PNP that they had it coming?

3.) Try to have a rudimentary understanding of logic and history: First of all it doesn't mean that since we are having difficulties today, it was all better in the 1970's, and secondly were things really better in the 1970's? If Manny Pacquiao beats Mayweather, runs for president then runs the country to the ground, does that mean PNoy was the best eva?



When all else fails then.....
4.) Fine keep posting retarded shit: It makes you look like a dumb dickhole, but hey Bong Bong Marcos just might get elected and you will orgasm. However wait until things go wrong again and like his father before him will steal money, abuse power and get ousted by EDSA 4. Maybe then you will realize "ohhh my fucking God I have been such delusional assf@@@". Just wait 40 years from now then your kids will be posting pro Bong Bong Marcos memes with their Iphone18s.

Author's Note: Credits to TV 5's program WOTL for their spectacular video on Marcos